So much of my writing has been me trying to figure out my life and put words to it. Because of this, so much of my writing has been half truths, glimpses of something beautiful mingled with trauma and ego, trying to convince myself to have peace instead of just being it. I’m done with that nonsense.
I’m never going to get away from what it is to be human, so this doesn’t mean I’m never going to write again until I get things figured out. It just means I’m going to stop trying to figure things out. I’m going to turn my day towards my heart, whatever that looks like in that moment. I’m going to have grace for myself, for all of the moments I don’t have peace. And I’m just going to be done trying to make sense of it all.
I’m going to be done trying to force myself into enlightenment by telling myself I’m not good enough unless I can hold things together in certain ways. I’ll walk away when I need to walk away. Lean in when I feel to lean in. Sit. Breath. Be still and know that I am loved.
There is no one perfectly rational way of seeing everything. There is just being. And with everything that isn’t that, I am done. I’m not going to avoid anything, I’m not going to stick my head in the sand, but I’m going to stop making myself analyze everything. And in this way I hope I’ll find a more lasting peace and be able to truly be with people in and through all of our human experiences.
I’m even going to stop analyzing my own anger… I’m just going to let it come and go as it pleases and not be attached to being “not angry”, as if that is some higher ethic than just being at peace with life as it is. I’m going to stop fighting myself. Stop fighting against the way things are. Sit. Breathe. Be still and know that I am loved. Every moment is another moment to be present in. I’m excited to give this kind of radical grace a try…